The Cult Of Self Esteem

It would seem that there is nothing that we can do in this present age to escape the constant barrage of self esteem hype. We are told that the problem with our children is that they do not have enough self esteem, and that if we want them to be successful in life, we must do all we can to build their self esteem. I take the position here today that this is utter nonsense. I would say that self esteem is very natural to fallen humanity, and is something that we should endeavor to fight against, rather than foster.

Take my own children for instance, I'm not saying that they are bad kids, but I'm pretty familiar with them. It is not hard in the least to get them to tell you all about all the things that they want, at any given time. They always want something, and things are just never fair, as far as they are concerned. To them, unfair means, things didn't go how I wanted them to go. Now, lest you think I'm simply raising a couple of monsters, let me tell you, the case of my children is pretty mild by comparison to what I see when I look around me. Part of that is because I do not buy into the lies that the Cult of Self Esteem has been pushing on our culture, and instead try to give my kids a healthy and realistic self image, and understanding of their place in the world.

Don't get me wrong here, it's not just kids either. It doesn't seem to matter if you go to the store, or to work, or, very sadly, even to Church, what you hear most often from most people is "me me me me me." Again, don't misunderstand, we are in our lives, and so we can't very well act as if we aren't, and so there is no choice but to talk about ourselves and use words like "I" and "me" as we go throughout the day, but there is a way that this is done that is very self centered. Believe it or not, you can talk about yourself without making it sound like you are the center of the universe.

The fact of the matter is that our prisons are full of people with very high self esteem. Our schools are full of kids who think that they should pass on to the next grade simply because they are just as good as everyone else, no matter what their grades say. Our institutes of higher learning are full of young adults who think that they deserve a minimum of a B if they show up for class every day, no matter what their grades are like (no, you deserve a minimum of an F, you have to work to get it higher than that). Our workplaces are full of people who think that they deserve a raise just because the honor the company by being willing to work there. Our Country is full of people who think they deserve to be fed and cared for by the rest of us, just because they are there, and it doesn't matter if they simply refuse to work, doggone it, they deserve it! And our communities are full of people who think that every kid who plays a sport should get a trophy, just so their self esteem isn't damaged. As we move about in everyday life we are constantly bombarded with a never-ending stream of people who think so highly of themselves that it is absolutely staggering.

No, there is no need to work at building self esteem in people, on the contrary, we need to work to make sure that we are not full of ourselves, and not making too much of ourselves. High self esteem comes easy, and is highly destructive, an appropriate view takes work, but is well worth it. Sometimes my daughter will do something that she's not supposed to do, and I'll have to discipline her for it, and she always says, "But Daddy, I wasn't trying to disobey!" To which I always respond, "Honey, you don't have to try to disobey, that is really easy to do, it's obedience that takes work."

And this isn't just my opinion, the Apostle Paul cautions us in Romans 12:3 "For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned." (ESV) and in Philippians 2:3 he says, "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves." (ESV)

Regardless of what we see on TV, or what so many experts want to tell us, the fact is that we don't need high self esteem, in fact, we need low self esteem, humility and a servants heart. These are the things that will allow us to live good, godly lives. High self esteem will just make us selfish jerks, which is really easy to be, in fact, you might say it comes naturally, being a humble servant takes work.