The Pastor's Wife
By Matt Wiser
Did you know that “Pastor’s Wife” is not a Church office? That’s
right. The Pastor’s wife is simply the wife of the Pastor. The
Bible nowhere defines any duties or roles which must be carried out or filled
by the wife of the Pastor. In fact, while qualifications for Elders (a
word which is Biblically synonymous with Pastor) are clearly laid out in 1
Timothy 3:1-7 “The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of
overseer [Another word for Elder or Pastor], he desires a noble task.
Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife,
sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not
a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.
He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his
children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own
household, how will he care for God's church? He must not be a recent
convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation
of the devil. Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that
he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil.” You will notice that
his wife is only mentioned once in that he must be the Husband of one wife, and
then by inference when it says that he must manage his own household well, even
though it then speaks of his children, it would be reasonable to say that his
wife’s godly character is also in view. The very next section describes the
qualifications for the office of Deacon, a Biblical office of one who serves
the Church under the authority of the Elders. 1 Timothy 3:8-13 “Deacons
likewise must be dignified, not double-tongued, not addicted to much wine, not
greedy for dishonest gain. They must hold the mystery of the faith with a
clear conscience. And let them also be tested first; then let them serve
as deacons if they prove themselves blameless. Their wives likewise must
be dignified, not slanderers, but sober-minded, faithful in all things.
Let deacons each be the husband of one wife, managing their children and
their own households well. For those who serve well as deacons gain a
good standing for themselves and also great confidence in the faith that is in
Christ Jesus.” You will notice that even here with the fuller attention
given to Deacon’s wives the description is of a godly woman who is a faithful
wife and Church member, so even applying that standard to the Pastor’s wife you
can say that she is to be a godly woman, a faithful wife (and mother if
applicable) and a faithful Church member.
When it comes to responsibilities within the local Church, and direct service
to the Church, such as ministry leadership or involvement, the Pastor’s wife
has no greater responsibility than any other member of the Church, in fact, she
has less than some. The people most responsible for the Church as a whole
would be the Elders, one of which being the Pastor himself, or in the case of a
small Church there may, for a time, be only the Pastor, in which case he would
be the one most responsible for the care of the congregation and the
functioning of the Church. After the Elders would come the Deacon(s),
once the Church reaches the point where that office is implemented. After
the Deacons would come each and every adult male Church member, since God has
given men the responsibility to be leaders in the home and in the Church, they
bear a greater weight than do the women. Finally, after the men come the
adult female Church members, who, as Church members do still bear
responsibility to the Church and for its proper functioning, but less than the
men, and under the authority of the Elders, Deacons, and their own Husbands if
applicable, and all, from the Elders on down, under the authority of Christ,
and the Bible. Notice that the wife of the Pastor is one of the women of
the Church and bears an equal responsibility with all of the others. She
has no greater burden of direct service to the Church than does any other adult
female member, and for the health of the Church we may well want to keep her
burden lighter than that of the rest. Please, let me explain.
The wife of the Pastor performs an indirect service to the Church, the worth of
which is utterly beyond calculation. This service is being the wife of
the Pastor. That is not circular reasoning. I am saying that by
being a faithful godly wife to the Pastor she enables him to be the Pastor that
the Church needs. By being his best friend and confidant, by being the
helper fit for him that God intends each wife to be for her husband (see
Genesis 2), by bearing the load of caring for the home and seeing to the
children, by staying by his side and submitting to his God given Biblical
authority in the home and loving and serving the Pastor as her Husband,
something that only she can do, she encourages and strengthens him for the
responsibilities of his office in a way that is critical, the importance of
which cannot be overstated. If the Pastor’s wife is burdened down by
being over several Church ministries, or whatever other extra responsibilities
or direct service positions some might expect her to undertake, there is a
significant risk that it might impede or diminish her ability to fulfill what
is by far her most important role, that of being the faithful, godly, best
friend/confidant/helper (and so much more) of the Pastor. The results of
that can be devastating to a Church.
While it is certainly important for each member of the Church to do what they
can to encourage and strengthen the Pastor to be the Shepherd of the Flock of
God that he needs to be, it is equally important to remember that we are
limited in our ability to do so, and that his wife is the one who can encourage
and strengthen him the most, and as such we must equally preserve and protect
her, and her ability to be the wife that the Pastor needs, and that we as a
Church need her to be to him. That is the high calling and critical role
of a Pastor’s wife.
